how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
