your parents love me but you hate me
Is it because I queefed?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
