This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
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