she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
