I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
