you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
