Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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