I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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