Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
