the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
