butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
