My sheets look like a crime scene.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
