Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
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