wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
