I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
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