I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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