So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
