Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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