HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
