1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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