my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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