I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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