I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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