Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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