i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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