Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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