woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
