My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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