This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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