Taylor Swift is so right about you.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
