well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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