Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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