6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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