Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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