I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize