Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
