Moan for me like Helen Keller
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Randomize
