I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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