toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
