Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
