i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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