once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
