peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
