Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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