Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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