I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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