apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
