Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
