yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
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