Jerry, you need to find god
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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