can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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