I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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