Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
