he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
