she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Randomize
