I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
