My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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