bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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