y did u give ur computer a hand job?
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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