No awkward lesbian experiences without me
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Randomize
