Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I think your dad took our porno
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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