Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
