Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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