dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Life is so much better after having sex.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
