I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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