My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
