$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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