I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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