I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
