woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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