mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize
