Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
