oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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