no, he came in my armpit
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
