The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
