so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
