shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
