we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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