she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
