How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
