he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
