you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
