I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
