3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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