I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
